I’d like to share a recent success.
I was in a room full of men praying Mincha (afternoon service) when I saw a child of about five come before his father with an urgent need to speak. I had finished my private prayer, but his father hadn’t and was – eyes closed - quietly talking to God. The boy stood there, fidgety but quiet, eyes fixated with anticipation on his father.
Two minutes later the father finished his private prayer, the son rushed to whisper in his ear, the father nodded, and the boy ran out excitedly. A minute later he returned with a soda. Mincha then finished and as the two were about to leave I initiated the following conversation.
“Is that your son?” I asked. The two of them looked at me.
“Yes,” he said.
“I must tell you - what incredible self-restraint he has! I watched what happened. He wanted to speak to you but he saw you were praying and he held himself. What strength!”
The father and the boy smiled.
How would I define that success? I let my soul draw my body close in pursuit of good.
To elaborate, here’s a brief look at the “parts” that make up a human being and how they interact: a) guf/body, b) nefesh/life force, c) ruach/seat of choice, d) neshama/Divine soul, e) yetzer hara/death wish.
The body is our physical aspect with its material pleasures. The nefesh/life force is the seat of our emotional drives such as greed, ambition, excitement, jealousy, etc. The Divine soul is a spark of God that resides within us and just wants eternal connection with its Source. The death wish presents a worldview in which connection with God is impossible; our only succor is the pleasure of now, no matter its self destructiveness. Where will the body and nefesh turn for guidance?
Ideally, the neshama, with the help of the ruach, serves as a loving parent to the body and nefesh. It showers the body and nefesh with affection, invites them to join its pursuit of meaning, attends to their physical and emotional needs, while also tolerating their limits and comforting their pains and frustrations. The body and nefesh are not capable on their own of seeing and wanting the lofty pleasures of healthy spirituality, but they definitely can enjoy connection with the soul and can be elevated over time. If the affection and pleasure of that connection with soul is consistent, the body and nefesh will endure discomfort, resist the allure of the death wish, and over a lifetime become more merged with spirit. In the absence of that connection, body and nefesh will become vulnerable, alone, and more prone to the destructive lures of the death wish, thereby marginalizing and even exiling the soul from our consciousness. Which connection is formed will define the difference between self-love and self-loathing.
When the idea to speak to the father first bubbled up, I could sense the enticements of the death wish: “It’s a lovely idea, but who are you to make public statements – some world renowned expert? Maybe they’ll think you’re weird. Maybe they’re in a hurry. Maybe it will just be awkward.” The death wish knows how to appeal to the body’s desire for physical comfort and the nefesh’s aversion to embarrassment.
Then I heard an alternative voice: “A parent needs encouragement. A kid needs encouragement. Your Creator will have nachas – come with me!”
I was in a room full of men praying Mincha (afternoon service) when I saw a child of about five come before his father with an urgent need to speak. I had finished my private prayer, but his father hadn’t and was – eyes closed - quietly talking to God. The boy stood there, fidgety but quiet, eyes fixated with anticipation on his father.
Two minutes later the father finished his private prayer, the son rushed to whisper in his ear, the father nodded, and the boy ran out excitedly. A minute later he returned with a soda. Mincha then finished and as the two were about to leave I initiated the following conversation.
“Is that your son?” I asked. The two of them looked at me.
“Yes,” he said.
“I must tell you - what incredible self-restraint he has! I watched what happened. He wanted to speak to you but he saw you were praying and he held himself. What strength!”
The father and the boy smiled.
How would I define that success? I let my soul draw my body close in pursuit of good.
To elaborate, here’s a brief look at the “parts” that make up a human being and how they interact: a) guf/body, b) nefesh/life force, c) ruach/seat of choice, d) neshama/Divine soul, e) yetzer hara/death wish.
The body is our physical aspect with its material pleasures. The nefesh/life force is the seat of our emotional drives such as greed, ambition, excitement, jealousy, etc. The Divine soul is a spark of God that resides within us and just wants eternal connection with its Source. The death wish presents a worldview in which connection with God is impossible; our only succor is the pleasure of now, no matter its self destructiveness. Where will the body and nefesh turn for guidance?
Ideally, the neshama, with the help of the ruach, serves as a loving parent to the body and nefesh. It showers the body and nefesh with affection, invites them to join its pursuit of meaning, attends to their physical and emotional needs, while also tolerating their limits and comforting their pains and frustrations. The body and nefesh are not capable on their own of seeing and wanting the lofty pleasures of healthy spirituality, but they definitely can enjoy connection with the soul and can be elevated over time. If the affection and pleasure of that connection with soul is consistent, the body and nefesh will endure discomfort, resist the allure of the death wish, and over a lifetime become more merged with spirit. In the absence of that connection, body and nefesh will become vulnerable, alone, and more prone to the destructive lures of the death wish, thereby marginalizing and even exiling the soul from our consciousness. Which connection is formed will define the difference between self-love and self-loathing.
When the idea to speak to the father first bubbled up, I could sense the enticements of the death wish: “It’s a lovely idea, but who are you to make public statements – some world renowned expert? Maybe they’ll think you’re weird. Maybe they’re in a hurry. Maybe it will just be awkward.” The death wish knows how to appeal to the body’s desire for physical comfort and the nefesh’s aversion to embarrassment.
Then I heard an alternative voice: “A parent needs encouragement. A kid needs encouragement. Your Creator will have nachas – come with me!”
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