One of my kids wanted a pet. The other night he got very persistent in his requests. I could feel myself getting rattled.
“He’s going on too long,” I thought. “He’s acting like a brat. Squelch his sense of entitlement or you’re a bad parent, etc.”
“Why can’t I?” he complained.
“Neither Mommy or I want an animal in the house,” I said calmly.
“Why not?”
I stopped to ask myself that question. Was there something that felt right?
“I’m not sure why,” I replied.
He paused a moment in the face of my non-reaction. He was ready to battle. I wasn’t battling. Then he found a new entry.
“But Ta, you had animals when you were a kid. Why can’t I?”
He was right: I had had gerbils, dogs, fish. I wanted to please him. I did not want to be Mr. Harsh. I also didn’t want to be Mr. Cave In. I was confused.
“That’s true,” I said, “I did have animals as a kid.”
“So why can’t I?” he asked.
I could feel his pain. And I was staying put.
“It seems to me I answered that question.”
I don’t remember what happened next. I’m just grateful I didn’t venture into his storm. He must have moved on because I’m writing this blog right now and not still weathering his requests.
Here are some takeaways from this story.
#1: King Solomon says, “When the spirit of that ruler comes upon you, don’t leave your place.” The “ruler” he refers to is the internally generated chaos God built in to each one of us. It tends to sweep in like an ornery storm front. Eventually, it passes. There is wisdom in staying put – not running after the storm.
#2: Sometimes my loved ones’ deficits feel incriminating: “What’s wrong with you that your son acts like this?” While I am deeply invested in the direction he takes and the character he develops, he and I are two separate people and he gets to be where he’s at in life – impatient, self-centered, whatever. Besides, he’s not always like that.
#3: My wife and I are the authority. I want to be benevolent, but I’m not running a democracy. I needn’t be overly concerned by my internal polling.
“He’s going on too long,” I thought. “He’s acting like a brat. Squelch his sense of entitlement or you’re a bad parent, etc.”
“Why can’t I?” he complained.
“Neither Mommy or I want an animal in the house,” I said calmly.
“Why not?”
I stopped to ask myself that question. Was there something that felt right?
“I’m not sure why,” I replied.
He paused a moment in the face of my non-reaction. He was ready to battle. I wasn’t battling. Then he found a new entry.
“But Ta, you had animals when you were a kid. Why can’t I?”
He was right: I had had gerbils, dogs, fish. I wanted to please him. I did not want to be Mr. Harsh. I also didn’t want to be Mr. Cave In. I was confused.
“That’s true,” I said, “I did have animals as a kid.”
“So why can’t I?” he asked.
I could feel his pain. And I was staying put.
“It seems to me I answered that question.”
I don’t remember what happened next. I’m just grateful I didn’t venture into his storm. He must have moved on because I’m writing this blog right now and not still weathering his requests.
Here are some takeaways from this story.
#1: King Solomon says, “When the spirit of that ruler comes upon you, don’t leave your place.” The “ruler” he refers to is the internally generated chaos God built in to each one of us. It tends to sweep in like an ornery storm front. Eventually, it passes. There is wisdom in staying put – not running after the storm.
#2: Sometimes my loved ones’ deficits feel incriminating: “What’s wrong with you that your son acts like this?” While I am deeply invested in the direction he takes and the character he develops, he and I are two separate people and he gets to be where he’s at in life – impatient, self-centered, whatever. Besides, he’s not always like that.
#3: My wife and I are the authority. I want to be benevolent, but I’m not running a democracy. I needn’t be overly concerned by my internal polling.
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